


leave room for seiros

by 90kg_anvil



Series: 3H Kinkmeme Fills [12]
Category: Fire Emblem Series, Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Gen, Humor, Pre-Timeskip | Academy Phase (Fire Emblem: Three Houses), Sex Education, Trans Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd, also based off of the authors experiences in trying to get proper education, unfortunately based off of abstinence-only sex ed in the united states
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-17
Updated: 2021-03-17
Packaged: 2021-03-26 14:13:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,776
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30107199
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/90kg_anvil/pseuds/90kg_anvil
Summary: Originally written for and posted on the 3H Kinkmeme."But if you, ah, allow yourself to be penetrated there too many times, doesn't it... you know?"Dorothea looks at Dimitri incredulously. "What precisely are you implying?"Angry as she is, he's determined to get the answer. "Loosen permanently?"dimitri tries to crowdsource sex ed
Series: 3H Kinkmeme Fills [12]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2148606
Comments: 3
Kudos: 24





	leave room for seiros

**Author's Note:**

> warnings: dimitri is trans and asking about very basic sex ed, so assumptions are made about his current physical health and there is the tiniest, smallest implication of an abortion mention, but there is _absolutely no pregnancy_ in this fic ~~in case anyone is worried, word of author: he hasnt had sex yet, so theres no risk either~~
> 
> this was very much based off of my personal experience trying to get accurate sex ed while in a state with abstinence-only education. dimitri is explicitly 18 here
> 
> Prompt:  
>  _Pre-ts, Dimitri never got the sex talk, and Garrag Mach isn't exactly known for its comprehensive sex Ed. He either doesn't know what sex is at all (ie, he thinks pegasi bring babies to married couples or something like that) or has wild, outlandish beliefs about it. Multiple people try to explain it to him, but get flustered or frustrated with him._  
>  _+some of the people who try to explain it also don't know proper sex ed, and so feed Dima even more wrong information  
>  +the most outlandish people find reasons to try and educate him (Eg, Hubert, Felix, Rhea, etc)  
> +Dimitri's cluelessness leads to the faculty finally implementing a sex ed class, for the sake of everyone's sanity_

"But if you, ah, allow yourself to be penetrated there too many times, doesn't it... you know?

Dorothea looks at Dimitri incredulously. "What precisely are you implying?"

Angry as she is, he's determined to get the answer. "Loosen permanently?"

Dorothea crosses her arms. "Unbelievable. You know, Dimitri, I really thought you'd be different."

With that, she storms off.

"Wait, I didn't mean to...." _imply anything about your relationship history or subsequent worth as a person_. It's no use; she can't hear him.

He just wanted reliable information from someone who doesn't sugarcoat things.

\---

"You can't get pregnant if you only eat pussy," Sylvain winks. Then he puts down his finger guns. "Wait, do you even know what eating pussy is?"

Dimitri raises his eyebrows. "Sylvain, not only have I heard the gossip, I live next door to you. But to the point," he says before Sylvain has the chance to apologize or flirt or do something else unproductive, "who said anything about pregnancy?"

Sylvain's mask slips for a moment, and his surprise looks a lot like terror. "Please tell me you're joking."

Dimitri crosses his arms. "Just spit it out."

"Pregnancy is caused by penis-in-vagina sex when you nut inside."

Dimitri tries to picture the mechanics of it, then shakes his head. "No. That's impossible."

Sylvain takes a few seconds to recalibrate. "What do you mean, 'impossible'? That's literally how it works. Do I need to show you a Srengi family planning pamphlet?"

Dimitri is delighted. "You have a family planning pamphlet from Sreng?" A realization. "You're fluent enough in Srençais to be literate?"

Sylvain scratches at the back of his neck, and for a moment, he almost looks proud of himself. Then he goes back to this carriage crash of a conversation. "Tell me why you think PIV can't get you pregnant?"

...Oh, penis-in-vagina. "The vagina is a closed tube, is it not? And if your penis is... sufficiently endowed, you can hit the end of the tube and cause pain by accident."

"I mean, sure, getting your cervix slammed isn't fun, but it's not actually a closed tu---" Sylvain looks at him in horror. "Your Highness, have you been having unprotected sex?"

"No!" What does Sylvain take him for? "Wait. Protected from what?"

Sylvain very carefully gives him a hug, genuinely concerned. "Go talk to Manuela as soon as you can. I just want you to know that no matter what happens, no matter what you decide, I'll be here for you, all right? We'll all be here for you."

Dimitri returns the hug, grateful for the affection but still confused.

\---

"So, Dimitri," Professor Manuela says, notebook at the ready. "You said you had questions?"

"Yes, actually. I'm not quite sure it falls under your precise medical purview, but... what kinds of things must you be protected against during sex?"

Manuela looks at him very cautiously. "Pregnancy and diseases, generally."

Dimitri's terror and confusion must be obvious, because Manuela takes a sip from her flask and offers a quick prayer to the Goddess for mercy.

One truly mortifying lecture later, Dimitri is given few Church-sanctioned pamphlets that urge abstinence because having premarital sex will lead to pregnancy or disease or both, and it _will_ be the will of the Goddess, and you _will_ deserve whatever happens to you afterwards, up to and likely including death.

Dimitri wonders whether this grave disparity between wed and unwed couples is due to some extra hardship in finding a midwife for unwed couples, or if it is possibly a reflection of the fact that commoners, not generally being betrothed at a young age for political alliances, tend to marry later in life regardless of whether they’ve had children, and the higher childbirth mortality is instead linked to poverty.

Then he realizes that no, actually, death was only brought up as a possibility, not a promise, because if it were a guarantee, Sylvain surely would have died years ago.

Or does that only count for PIV?

He'll have to ask around.

\---

"You're still a virgin if you do it up the butt," Hilda says. They're taking a break from sparring.

"Why? Because the pain is instantaneous penance for the sin?" Dimitri asks, taking a sip from his waterskin.

Hilda looks at him, unnerved. "What? No. First off, you really shouldn't be in pain during sex. Second, I'm pretty sure pain isn't inherently atonement?"

Dimitri wholeheartedly disagrees with the second point, but that is neither here nor there. "Then why did you bring it up?"

"I was trying to tell you about St. Cethleann's Loophole."

He grimaces. The term is familiar, but he's never actually inquired into it. "Dare I ask?"

Hilda smirks. "So, y'know how it's a sin to have sex out of wedlock? Well, there's nothing in the scriptures about doing it up the butt."

"The scriptures go into individual banned sex acts?" Dimitri wonders out loud before he can stop himself.

Claude coughs very conspicuously from where he's ostensibly been minding his own business on the next bench over.

Dimitri turns to him, eager to have more input. "Claude, do you know anything about this?"

Claude is very amused. "Sorry, but no, Your Princeliness."

Dimitri hopes he doesn't look too disappointed as he turns back to face Hilda. "Hilda, please continue. I'm very interested in the particulars of this loophole. Does anal not count as sex in the eyes of the Church? If so, can it not be used to consummate a marriage? And if it's an issue of individual sex acts, then precisely what anal activities---"

"Oh, no, the Professor's calling me, sorry, Dimitri!"

The Professor most certainly is not, but Dimitri doesn't comment as she dashes away.

Claude bursts out laughing and claps a friendly hand on Dimitri's back as he follows Hilda across the training grounds.

\---

"No, making love is definitely magical," Ashe says with unwavering confidence as they clean out the stables together. "That's what it's always like in the knight stories."

Dimitri pauses while carting out manure in an overflowing wheelbarrow he easily balances. "It is?"

"Absolutely! It's like the world stops and you both feel fireworks!" Ashe blushes furiously. "I --- I mean, I'm assuming. I've never read something so improper, Your Highness."

"I don't mind, Ashe. Really. And, um."

"Yes?"

"If you..." he will be the king of an entire country once they all graduate. He can ask a friend for a favor. "If you have any recommendations for, ah, books that can serve as manuals, so to speak---"

Ashe literally squeaks and runs out of the stables.

Dimitri sighs and continues pushing his wheelbarrow to the compost heap.

\---

"Condoms," Anna says, counting off on her fingers, "more lube than you think you'll need, and check in with your partner frequently. It might feel like you're being needy or annoying, but that's the price you gotta pay for a good fuckin'."

"What's a condom?" Dimitri asks, feeling so very lost at not knowing what one of the "fundamental basics of sex" is.

Anna waves him off. "Never mind. They don't exist in this dimension. But to answer your earlier question, I don't sell wares like that. You'd be better off checking Abyss."

\---

Dimitri is sitting in the library before dawn, wondering how, precisely, sex can spread disease when it didn't produce a foul-smelling or cough-poisoned miasma the way that other ailments do, when Hubert approaches him.

"You."

He smiles politely. "Good morning, Hubert."

Hubert sets a vial down in front of Dimitri. It's on the larger side, and the liquid inside is viscous and black, like tar. "You can't be recklessly sowing bastards."

Objectively, this is true, but that vial could contain anything. "Is this a threat?"

"It's a gift," he says, less sinister than usual.

To put it succinctly, _horseshit_. "What's in the vial?"

"A spoonful taken at least a half hour before intercourse will prevent pregnancy, and the effect lasts for six hours."

Dimitri ponders this. Dorothea had told him about something like this after he apologized to her, but it sounded like herbs more than... whatever this is. "Why do you care?"

"You're the future king of Faerghus," Hubert smirks, and he's back to his usual level of menacing, "and it would be very inconvenient if Lady Edelgard had to deal with the current regent should something make you... indisposed for a few months."

Dimitri tries to bite down the rush of anxiety. "Ah. Well. In that case, thank you."

In spite of his better instincts, Dimitri does not throw the vial away.

\---

"Hm?" Yuri looks up from a report he's reading over. "Oh, Seiros. What the hell has gone wrong at Garreg Mach now?"

"Nothing?"

"Then why are you in my private office in the middle of the night?"

"I, um." Dimitri tries his best to retain his nerve. "I was wondering---"

Yuri beats him to the punch. "Oh, right, right, right. I heard about this. You're asking everyone about sex. Well, while I am _very_ flattered and would _so love_ to give you a practical demonstration, I am extraordinarily busy tonight."

Dimitri knows that this isn't a genuine offer and Yuri is just fucking with him, but considering the reason he's down here, he flusters anyway at the thought. "Entirely understandable! Do you happen to have a map of Abyss?"

"What are you looking for?"

"An establishment of ill-repute."

Yuri lets out a raucous cackle. "A late birthday present to yourself! I love it. Welcome to adulthood; here's entry to a brothel."

"Not a brothel," Dimitri quickly clarifies, and he hates that he can feel himself blushing, "a novelty store or library with literature regarding... well, optimally, a how-to guide for a hopeless beginner who only very recently learned about moon teas and gonorrhea."

This visibly piques Yuri's curiosity. "I genuinely cannot tell whether you're doing this out of medical necessity or if this is entirely on a whim, but I respect you for asking around." He considers for a moment. "Ask Hapi about it tomorrow. I'm sure she'll at the very least be able to get you some good erotica."

Dimitri bows deeply. "Thank you so much."

\---

The next morning, all three houses cram together into the largest classroom. There are multiple diagrams on the board labeled with Sylvain's handwriting. Dimitri recognizes the word "cervix" and feels his mouth go dry.

Is this...?

Could this possibly be...?

"Good morning," Professor Byleth says, sounding so very tired. "Due to popular demand, I'm going to teach you about sex. Today's three objectives are: consent, the reproductive system, and how to avoid risks."

Dimitri scrambles to get everything ready to take notes.

He's so excited to finally _learn_.

**Author's Note:**

> finally de-anoning to post my kinkmeme fills here


End file.
